Late-Night Comics Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Late-night's leading entertainers used their evening mocking former President Donald Trump's just unveiled visa program, labeled the "Trump card," describing it as a clear pay-for-access scheme for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Take

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical Christmas jingle targeting the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... ruins all he touches."

Colbert's target was the controversial initiative which allows international nationals to buy U.S. residence for a sum of a million dollars, or "top-tier" version for $5 million. The program's page guarantees processing "with unprecedented speed."

"One thought for you to rich applicants: prior to you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the scheme is also designed to "get cash" from businesses looking to hire skilled workers, with significant costs. "That is a lot of fees, however if you enroll, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your selection – provided that it's the that one hotel," he added.

"The most thorough vetting the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these people truly are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow rich international individuals to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"It might be time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the form, noting it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging approval ratings during financial concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a bid to tackle prices, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, where he reacted strangely to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing right-leaning media coverage of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he remarked.